How to motivate men to change in their couple relationships:
The primary motivation keeping men invested in loving relationships is DIFFERENT from what keeps women invested.
The glue that keeps men (and males in social animal groups) bonded is the INSTINCT TO PROTECT.
If men can’t feel successful at protecting, they CANNOT FULLY LOVE.
Failure to protect drains meaning and purpose from the lives of family men. As a result, they often turn to some form of ADRENALINE AROUSAL for motivation or stimulation: chronic resentment and/or anger, drug use, affairs, or compulsive behavior.
Most of my work with couples centers on helping men to come up with ways to approach expressions of emotional support and compassion AS A FORM OF PROTECTION.
Excerpted from the article of S. STOZNY, “Lions Without a Cause”, in the May/June 2010 issue of Psychotherapy Networker